Art is subjective, and the art of critiquing it is kind of absurd. So take everything I say as an OPINION, not a fact. After all, who am I to review an album that I could not make? I’m just a guy with a laptop. The second thing I’d like to say is that I get it; writing a poor review about an album clearly not made for me is low-hanging fruit. But truthfully, I didn’t seek out a crappy piece of art just to write a hateful piece that rips it apart. I have nothing against Ms. Taylor Swift and believe that no matter what, even if I don’t like the music, there will be some redeeming quality.

But with that being said, there is no redeeming quality in Swift’s newest record, ‘The Life of a Showgirl.’

For those living under a rock or for those who have somehow managed to avoid being force-fed her image, Taylor Swift currently sits on top of the world. Her Eras Tour broke records, she’s dating a 3 time Superbowl winner, Travis Kelce, and has a mob-like fanbase of teenage girls. So what does she have to complain about? A lot, apparently, considering her newest album is the definition of “my steak is too buttery, and my champagne too bubbly”.

Swift’s new album is about just that: she’s achieved about everything, but everything simply isn’t enough. On tracks like “Wi$h Li$t” and “The Life of a Showgirl,” she yearns for a simpler, less-observed life away from fame, complaining about what she’s missing out on now as she’s busy being etched into the world’s pop culture lexicon. Now, as much as this is a huge sympathy play put on by the rich and famous, I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t say that other artists hadn’t tackled this concept. It’s been done before because it is, truthfully, an interesting idea, but Swift takes it nowhere. It’s as if she’s afraid to depart from her mainstream pop sound. Essentially, this album plays like a haggard attempt at generating corporate radio hits. This shouldn’t come as a shock, as Swift has always been this way. I read some interviews with Swift where she states that this is the ‘fun’ album she’s been waiting her entire career to make. Really? THIS? It sounds exactly like everything else she’s made, not to mention the fact that there’s nothing fun about it. “The Fate Of Ophelia” is overly sterilized, and I mean “Wood” sounds like it should be playing inside of a Target, and is written so poorly I can’t even be bothered to tell you what the song is actually about.

Also lyrically, she’s on a different level of absurdity. “Did you girlboss too close to the sun” (“Cancelled!”) is a lyric that looks like it belongs on one of those tacky signs you would buy at a HomeGoods, and “Forgive me, it sounds cocky. He ah-matized me and opened my eyes” (“Wood”) is one of those lines where you hear it, you know it’s terrible, and then when you try to compare it to something that’s just as terrible, you can’t because it just set the bar a little lower.

Honestly? I just don’t think Swift gives herself time to breathe between records. Live a little and have some experiences to turn into material, don’t just sell out and keep pumping out corporate slop. It is as if she always needs to make something. The Life Of A Showgirl feels terribly lost in its own mishap—an album that tries to emulate its own flavorless sound. It’s a record that truly works best when it’s on in the background, because at least then there’s the chance that something else will catch your attention.